Past and Future

It's difficult going to a Christian school when your livelihood is sharing the gospel. What use are we here when so many die each day not knowing Christ? It's frustrating to not be challenged daily in a secular world when living in a Christian bubble.

But I know the reason I'm here: that I can be more affective when I leave Crown than when I entered. That I can reach people on different cultural contexts. That I can truly love others from a love that is not my own.

I was reading different poems today and I came across one by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

It is titled Past and Future.

MY future will not copy fair my past
On any leaf but Heaven's. Be fully done,
Supernal Will ! I would not fain be one
Who, satisfying thirst and breaking fast
Upon the fulness of the heart, at last
Saith no grace after meat. My wine hath run
Indeed out of my cup, and there is none
To gather up the bread of my repast
Scattered and trampled ! Yet I find some good
In earth's green herbs, and streams that bubble up
Clear from the darkling ground, -- content until
I sit with angels before better food.
Dear Christ ! when thy new vintage fills my cup,
This hand shall shake no more, nor that wine spill.

Patience is all that is required of me now. Patience that I may stay the task of getting a degree. Patience that I will allow myself to be challenged and keep the course. Patience that I may love those who are difficult to love. Patience to stay.

He's Beat Me to It

Going to school with a missions focus, I am constantly thinking about how I, as one person, can bring the gospel to dark places. You know the type. Indigenous tribes in the dense jungles, hippies living in fringe communes, cold communist countries. I am going to champion these places! I will take Jesus to places where He has never been!

Who am I kidding?

He's already there. Thriving and working.

The Gospel of John explicitly gives proof that God is at work.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."- John 16:33

God has overcome every aspect of the world, and although it seems so elementary, we target people and think that we are this person's only mode of the gospel. It all depends upon us. And that is true in a sense, but we take away the power of the Holy Spirit when we make it a civic duty to share the gospel.

Last night I was online looking at different methods of evangelism to my generation that is open and honest. I thought that I was the only one with a vision for reaching this certain group of people, but I'm too late. God has already started. Not that He doesn't need more workers, but, as per usual, He's got it under control.

Thanks for taking the pressure off, Lord. I'm just going to be open and pray that you will weave me into how you are already working.

Life is Inconvenient

con·ven·ience /kənˈvinyəns/ Show Spelled[kuhn-veen-yuhns] -adjective : easy to obtain, use, or reach.

This week was frustrating. As with many weeks, the escape of time leaves me frantic. Trying to accomplish homework, spend time with people, and finish whatever other odds and ends might remain. In the busy-ness, I always run through events with the same mindset: "Me, Me, Me." Nothing else really matters right? Even in my Christian life it is important to see what I can get out of scripture. How I can advance God's kingdom? What does God want me to do with my life?

Colossians 3:1-4 is explicit. " ¹Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. ²Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. "

My life is not my own, but do I truly choose to live and express my life in that fashion? I'm wrapped up in my own selfishness. When things come up and plans change, I mood about them instead of trusting God that things happen for specific reasons. I want my schedule to be scaled down to the minute, but in doing so, I really don't allow margins for spontaneity of the Spirit. I need to rejoice in every aspect, ESPECIALLY when life is inconvenient.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 says:
¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

God has ordained every part of my life. His hand rests upon my existence. So in every hardship, in every ease, in every joy, and in every sorrow

I WILL REJOICE

Today I will rest under the banner of God's love for me. I will focus on Him and no longer on myself. And life, will no longer be so inconvenient.